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From: Kimberly Cowell
Question: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
PHILOSOPHERS et al. ANSWER:
Plato: For the greater good.
Karl Marx: It was an historical inevitability.
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death. Epicurus: For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Jack Nicholson: 'cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
Ronald Reagan: I forget.
John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Sappho: Due to the loveliness of the hen on the other side, more fair than all of Hellas' fine armies.
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Stephen Jay Gould: It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.
Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. Crack its eggs to make my omlette.
Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of pleghm in its pancreas.
Andersen Con sultant: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road
was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with
significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required
for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering
relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical
distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration
Model (PIM) Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies,
knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes
and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management
framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road
analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills
in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings
in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit,
and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the
implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing
an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median
processes. The meeting was held in a park like setting enabling and creating
an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused,
and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned
with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive
towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen
Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.